Monday, December 19, 2016

River's Edge (1986)

Hailed as a disturbing exercise in teenage apathy, River's Edge was both controversial and original when it came out in 1986. With an absolutely all-star cast of Dennis Hopper, Keanu Reeves, and Crispin Glover, this film is one of those that seems unimportant when you first watch it, and then continues to dig its way into your skull like a little worm easing its way into the center of an apple. And now it sticks to my soul. The entire film focuses on deep indifference, long before eyes were glued to screens and college kids could walk their way across campus to their next class without ever looking up from snapchat. In 99 minutes of increasing uneasiness, there are literally dozens of noteworthy quotes. But if I could sum up the movie in a single line, it would definitely be the beauty delivered during that unforgettable classroom scene:

"Wasting pigs is radical man!"

It probably doesn't help my conscience that this movie is based on a real-life murder in Milpitas, California, and partially inspired by youth in Sacramento. Too close to home. Too many gutter punks. I will say, the combination of Keanu and Crispin all punked out, and Dennis Hopper playing drugged out saxophone while wooing a blow-up doll, was a somewhat enlightening experience. I will now proceed to list a series of the best quotes, with a separate section just for ones about getting stoned.

"Maybe I am a killer. Why should you care? You just stay around here to fuck my mother and eat her food....Mother fucker food eater."

"Go get your nunchucks and your dad's car. I know where we can get a gun."

"I ate so much pussy those days, my beard looked like a glazed donut. 
- Is that when you lost your leg?"

"You didn't have to call me a stupid bitch."

"I'm nobody's were all mistakes anyway. I'm going to leave you all like your father."
--Stoner Section
"Sometimes I think it'd be a lot easier being dead. 
- Ah that's bullshit. you couldn't get stoned anymore."

"So now we get married right? 
- No, let's get stoned instead."

"You respect an adult? I really do need to get stoned."

"Someone could murder you you know. Or the Russians could send over a whole batch of nuclear bombs. 
-We should just get the Russians stoned."

Final judgement: This is a parent's worst fucking nightmare/"I feel like someone dipped me in used cooking oil."

Monday, September 12, 2016

Trancers (1984)

Let's set the scene - in a place where political correctness has yet to be born, and hobo baseball is a hilarious joke set starkly against a post-apocalyptic wasteland, a time where a New Age soundtrack and glowing lights mean everything is okay, and punk Jingle Bells makes everyone feel better, in a place of moshing and hideous hair cuts, where you actually light your cigarette before you go inside...this is 1984. This is Trancers. Cue Jack Deth, Angel City PD. He's just time traveled back from 2247 to catch a villain that uses his psychic brain energy to convert the weak-minded into zombies that do his bidding. He's lighting matches with his teeth, blowing up corpses and fending off crazy old ladies that turn into zombies and attack him with a cleaver. As dr_foreman says, this is truly "the eternal struggle between detectives and zombies."
This movie is filled with so many one-liners, you'll feel like you've been slapped in the face,

"If I see you in LA again, I don't care if you're a kid, an old lady or a kitty cat, I'm gonna kick your ass."

Not to mention all the other verbal ice cream sundaes:

"Did you mean what you said to me last night?
- Yeah sure. What did I say last night?
You said that making love to me is like the ethereal union of two lost souls."

Mmm, lick it up.

Have I waited this long to mention that Helen Hunt stars in this sci-fi flick? What a travesty. Hey, sweet confederate flag jacket Helen Hunt. It suits you.

The trailer for this film almost says it best:
"Jack Deth is back. And he's never even been here before."

So do yourself a favor, and spend some time with the good kind of Trancers.

Final Judgement: "Dry hair's for squids."/"You're swaying in the strike zone!"/Time travel never seemed so right.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Ticker (2001)

While pawing through mounds of action movies in my living room, this movie was an easy choice for me, mostly because it has so many of my favorite actors all in one movie. The stars, oh the stars. We're talking Dennis Hopper, Steven Seagal, Ice-T (it counts!), Jamie Pressley, Tom Sizemore, Nas, and, can you believe it(?), the bad guy from The Mask! What a crew. Like, how could I not watch this movie? And then I see that it's set in San Francisco, my old hood, and that completely seals the deal. So much glee, so much anticipation. Alas, it became clear to me early on that getting all of those amazing actors all into one movie was the last bit of effort anyone bothered to put into this movie. Don't worry, it's still an epic film (or else I wouldn't review it) - just one with little to no effort put into it.

When I first started watching this millennial classic, I thought to myself, "Wow, they managed to get all known movie cliches in one movie! Impressive!" A little further into the film, I found myself saying, "Dang, not a single line in this movie is original. In fact, I am pretty sure that every single line has been said in between 1 and 100 other action movies." Not much later, I was pretty much convinced that the makers of this movie didn't actually know how to write a script so they just used a computer to randomly sort the occurrences of certain themes and output an algorithm of what should happen in their movie. The result is the most cliche action movie I've ever had the pleasure to witness. But it was a pleasure. Sort of a morbid pleasure, but a pleasure none the less.

And hey! I wasn't that far off! It turns out that this movie looks hastily done because they threw it together in 12 days. 12. Days. In fact, Dennis Hopper was only on set for 1 day, and he didn't even meet any of the other actors. Impressive! Definitely coulda fooled me. I suddenly feel a whole lot better about that horrid Irish accent that he brought to set with him for that one lonely day. Let's just say that the only believable characters in this movie are the members of the blues band at the club.

And perchance did any of movie seem oddly familiar? Don't worry, you're not magical - it's just because a 12-day budget doesn't allow for those old-fashioned hoo-diggy things like cast and crew. Instead, they took the smart way out and "borrowed" footage from 8 other movies to, you know, just, like, fill out this one, make it a normal movie length. Sweet deal. If you're at all tempted, you can see a list of all the movies they used on the imdb trivia site.

But there are a few - nay - several things that make this movie both redeemable and postable, beyond the "lunchbreak cameo by Ice-T" (thank you Kastore). Let me go ahead and list them for you here:
1) Massive explosions with sad Irish music over them, 2) the most sophisticated interrogation techniques I've ever seen, 3) Dennis Hopper saying things like, "That, Pooch, is the very essence of our existence. Synchronicity. Synchronicity," in his Irish accent, and last, but definitely not least, 4) Steven Seagal practicing Zen preacher skills. Yes, he's a Zen bomb-defusing ninja. That alone could save any movie. And so it does. So it does.

Final judgement: I do not regret watching this movie.

Sunday, January 31, 2016

Hardware (1990)

We open on the desert under red filter.
A robot hand slowly emerges from under the sand, revealed by a strong wind. A burning man escapee walks across the sand, uncovers the robot.
"This is Angry Bob, the man with the industrial dick!"

Iggy Pop is Angry Bob. The boat-cab driver is Lemmy from Motörhead. And this is how you know you are about to sit through 94 minutes of mind-altering escapism.

A post-apocalyptic Earth, bug tea, zone trippers and Nintendo glove arms (I just can NOT think of the Nintendo glove without reminiscing about the greatness that is Congo). Oh yeah, and there sure is a lot of meditation for such a pervy movie. Yes, super pervy. Some of the lines are too pervy for respectable internet. Luckily, this is not such a respectable site.

"You ready to take it up the ass? What if I fuck you with a string of popcorn up your ass and pull it out real slow?"

"Do you think you're ready to try the Hershey Highway?"

"Take that big dick. Take it all the way in. Take it. Suck him dry. That's it baby...squeeze that tube."

That last one is courtesy of a gross, fat, sweaty pervo masturbating and sticking his tongue out like a dying pig. Ah Hardware. Apparently they had to cut a lot of footage to get the R rating in the US of A. I wonder where that footage is...maybe on France's "Genetic Warrior" release? I guess I know what I'm doing this Friday night...

And despite the fact that this movie was a financial success ($5.7 million to it's $1.5 mill. production budget!), somehow the director Richard Stanley never really went on to do much else. A travesty and tragedy, I am sure.

Just a few more things:
weird psychic circles and flashing lights and Kali Indian god of destruction
radiation free reindeer steaks
slow motion decapitation by baseball bat     &
major good vibes cigarettes

Final judgement: this is some epileptic robot nightmare shit; this is a horror sci-fi post-apocalyptic creature feature; this is a sad broken love story; this is population control - the final solution

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Lifeforce (1985)

When you happen upon a going-out-of-business sale at a local movie rental store, and it's chock full of VHS tapes, and the sci-fi section is so bangin' that your head is spinning around, and even after you pick up so many clearly essential additions to your already stocked collection, when a movie still on the shelf boasts the director of Poltergeist and Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and the special effects director of Star Wars, you buy that frickin' movie. It doesn't matter how many other tapes you have falling out of your hands, you buy that frickin' movie. And so I did. The cover seemed a little on the serious side (clearly not the cover featured on the left...), so it's been sadly sitting on my shelf for almost a year now. But fate finally brought it out, and I couldn't be more satisfied. This movie is bad-ass. Like seriously bad-ass. We're talking naked, sexualized aliens AKA space vampires, giant bat mummies, hypnosis, piles of corpses, Patrick Stewart, and what I would generally consider to be a zombie apocalypse. Oh, did I mention that Dan O'Bannon helped write the screenplay (although some rumors actually suggest that his version was cut and/or that the addition of Haley's comet made him disavow the film...)?
 The movie is definitely walking that delicate but beautiful line of sex and sci-fi horror, and walking it well. Lines like,
"She's using a different body.
-What is she doing?
She's looking for a man.
-What man?
Any man, a healthy man." certainly paint a romantic picture. There's also the slightly rapey interrogation scene where Steve Railsback goes to that asylum for the clinically insane and exorcises the alien from that lady with his tongue. Sassy. And all the while Patrick Stewart is sitting in the corner, saying, "I'm a natural voyeur." Extra sassy. Believe it or not, a full 16 minutes of erotic footage was edited out of the US version of this film. Fucking prudes - I can't believe it. I am already searching the internet for an original UK director's cut, trust me. I need those 16 minutes.

But don't let me misrepresent - this movie isn't all about the sex appeal. There is also a substantial amount of blood and violence. Just the perfect amount if I may say so myself. The effects are supremo, right on the money creature feature; and yes, the desiccation is superb (licking fingers). All the over-the-top, blood gushing, living blood blob moments are timed at just the right moments.
Let's see...what else....

Leather bomber jackets over white turtlenecks, grenades thrown at naked vampires, hand-painted sci-fi comet backdrops, reflation, double-dosing, a thermonuclear device, and did I mention Patrick fucking Stewart?

If that doesn't convince you, maybe this quote menagerie will do the trick:

"I am the feminine in your mind Carlson."

"Where are you? Where's your body? Let me go!!!!"

"She took some of my energy and she game me some of her energy."

"She'll destroy you. She's destroyed worlds."

"All those blue lights going up to the clouds. They're human souls."

How can anyone say no? It's irresistible. It's undeniable. I just can't.....Yes, yes, you can take my lifeforce....I give it to you willingly. I give it all.

Final judgement: As usual, the film says it best...:"What are these feelings? Why do I feel so close to you?"/Truly epic, a crucial edition to my movie repertoire/Patrick Stewart's talents know no bounds.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Introduction to World Music

A couple of people have asked me for music recommendations in the last few days, so I thought I would do a basic brain dump here on my blog. Keep in mind, this in no way encompasses the huge range of amazing world music that can be found out there, or even a small slice of the many different world music genres. This is just a peek into my most frequented world music albums, almost all of which are compilations. So hopefully you can find a few of these and add a few more world music songs to your party playlist.

North American
Classic.... - Smithsonian Folkways
Hawaiian Steel Guitar Classics - Folklyric
Samish Journey Home - Samish Indian Nation (this is a bit hard to get your hands on)

Globalista: Import-Export - Light in the Attic
Señor Coconut Presents Coconut FM - Essay Recordings
Africa Raps - Trikont

Swinging Mademoiselles - Silva America
Girls in the Garage - Dionysus
Early Girls - Ace

Bombay Disco - Cultures of Soul
Asha Bhosle + Kronos Quartet - Nonesuch
Ho! #1 Roady Music from Vietnam - Trikont

Turkish Delights - Grey Past
Steam Kodok - Grey Past
Cambodian Cassette Archives - Sublime Frequencies
Cambodian Rocks - Khmer Rocks
Love, Peace and Poetry - QDK, Normal

Latin American
Suni Paz (Argentina) - Smithsonian Folkways
Chavela Vargas (Mexico) - Orfeon
Hyuano Music from Peru - Arhoolie
Music of the Incas - Lyrichord
Mexico: Fiestas of Chiapas and Oaxaca - Nonesuch Records

Middle Eastern and African
Ethiopiques - Buda Musique
Nigeria 70 - World Psychedelic Classics
Lagos Disco Inferno - Academy LPs
Music from Saharan Cellphones - Sahel Sounds
Bosavi: Rainforest Music from Papua New Guinea - Smithsonian Folkways


Field Recordings
Anything by Sublime Frequencies

Go-To Labels
Sublime Frequencies
Smithsonian Folkways / Folkways
Nonesuch Explorer


Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Nightfall (1988)

This film is truly something special. Dave Kehr (1988) of the Chicago Tribune probably said it best in his 1988 review, writing, "'Nightfall,' an ultralow-budget production from Roger Corman's Concorde Pictures, is one of those oddball exploitation films that, through impoverishment, desperation and galloping incompetence, inadvertently manages to enter the avant-garde." Based on a short story by Isaac Asimov, and expanded into a full book in 1990, Nightfall (1988) goes beyond the realm of bad and good and into another dimension of pure fascination, incredulity and "frequent breaks for mysterious modern dance numbers" (Kehr 1988). Harrington (1988) of the Washington Post also writes an insightful review, describing Nightfall (1988) as, "so inept, obtuse and absurd that it serves as a celluloid Rorschach, inspiring giggles and groans with virtually every frame." Harrington's summary critique of the film is that it's, "shot. On a weekend. In an outdoor area covering perhaps half an acre. With a budget in the hundreds of dollars and a cast of dozens. With costumes picked up at the "Ishtar" distress sale. With a screenplay credited to director Paul Mayersberg, though it has the feel of communal improvisation. With no beginning, no development, no explication de texte, and, most frighteningly, no apparent end." Frightening indeed. Kehr (1988) was also slightly distressed by movement of the movie, writing that, "It's a film in which no one event is privileged above another, in which the links between those events are either nonexistent or unreadable; and it's a film with a much higher level of confusion and uncertainty at the conclusion than at the beginning." Oh the confusion! To be fair, it does seem like the film used to be an hour longer and that they just sort of cut scenes willy-nilly. Especially those few crucial seconds at an end of a scene where the camera settles on something and the audience has a chance to process the craziness that just happened - they got rid of all those. I actually had trouble differentiating the characters throughout the film, and not just because many of them were wearing masks made out of tree bark or old tires or something. They just all looked really similar. I'm thinking it might have been some sort of metaphor for the different cults and how they are just opposite sides of the same coin. But I'm also thinking it might be wise not to over think this film.
So how did I manage to tangle in this preposterous playground you ask? One glimpse of the backbox summary should be suffice to understand why I chose this film out of my stacks upon stacks of absurd VHS tapes - "Against a backdrop of eerie landscapes, forbidden passions and political intrigue, Nightfall explores the conflict between science and superstition." I love superstition! And I love science even more! The entire movie is centered around these various populations of people coming to terms with an age of darkness as the suns of their planet set.
"Do you believe in a world without light?" (just one of the many amazing quotes in this movie)...
The religious group has no eyeballs - they all get plucked out by hungry falcons so the followers can idolize their blind Richard Simmons leader. And the science cult is led by a man with luscious locks who asks important and insightful questions like,
"'Where do you come from?'
- Up there, you always ask me that.
'Well you're mine now.'"

The science guy also has a lot of sexy times - but what scientist didn't in the 1980's? My personal favorite was the bizarre snake bite scene where the dude gets nibbled near his man bits and then the chick sucks out the poison before they erotically roll around in the curtains. This is tempered by a later scene in which the chick (I can only assume it's the same woman....) says,
"If I'm so weak why do you want me?" while he accosts her with a different serpent and she negotiates, "I will go with you but I want you now," punctuating the scene by sticking her tongue out like a lizard.

A lot of other strange things happened too. And many of them are set to strange music. This of course is my favorite part. Bell scenes, drum scenes, flute scenes and weird death liturgy chanting scenes serve to differentiate the populations of characters while also really tripping me the fuck out. Although I am a sucker for an original sci-fi music scene. 
Speaking of bells, the ones in this film drew my attention because I have one of them hanging on my wall - a gift from some friends who visited the hippie arcology site Arcosanti out in the deserts of Arizona. Founded in the mid 19th century by a architect named Soleri, Arcosanti is an art commune combining elements of education, architecture and ecology. And yes, apparently the entire movie was filmed there, even using some of the residents as background actors. Well that explains why the sets looked inexplicably sweet considering the rest of the budget. I'm not sure if it explains the chime based lightning icicle sword fight. Or the twisted linen thong fights. Or the 80's flash dancing into the apocalypse. Although that does seem like a pretty decent way to go out. Speaking of decent, here are some of the best lines:

"You really think you are written in your book?"

"The end is beautiful, isn't it?"

"All our history and progress is nothing. It is possible that nothing important has ever been said. It's possible."

"I hate this time. I hate this place. I hope we all die."

Awww, chin up Nightfall (1988). You aren't that bad! Even if the final moments are confused, delirious, and stabbed in the vagina as they all turn their backs on science and freakout into the sunset.

In the end, like all good religious apocalypse movies, Nightfall (1988) casts judgement upon itself: "But I want you so much I can't even tell if I love you"/"What do you fear about nightfall? Everything comes to an end."

So it does. And thank science for that!


Harrington R. 1988. 'Nightfall' (1988). The Washington Post. May 30, 1988.

Jabootu's Bad Movie Dimension. 1999. B-notes: Nightfall (1988). October 02, 1999.

Kehr D. 1988. 'Nightfall' stumbles to avante-garde. Chicago Tribune, Lifestyles. June 09, 1988.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Scorcher (2002)

Mark Dacascos? John Rhy-Davies? G.W. Bailey? And Rutger Hauer? And the catchline, "The only hope for humanity to survive a natural disaster is to detonate a nuclear bomb in Los Angeles?" Now this is what dreams are made of. Who hasn't sighed peacefully into their pillow while pondering the possibility of LA sinking into the seafloor? Only in dreams as they say. I guess those dreams are about as satisfying as this movie. TV movie to be precise. Yes, yes, forgettable and fleeting. But still, so much more. This is a snapshot of a generation. Or the asymptotic slow death of a generation perhaps. I just know it says something. SOMETHING.

From the AOL instant messaging platform to the random religion made of prayers and this fanatic with his halleluahs and a disco ball light...That's right, if the fissure reaches 44cm, there will be literal Hell on Earth.  

That's what she said.

Am I watching some sort Watchtower brochure? It certainly seems possible. And yet there are scientists. And science insults. In fact, the best insult I have ever heard (wow am I a grad student),

"You were the one funding my grants?! So you could keep tabs on my research?!"

Boo fucking hoo lady. At least your research is getting funded!! Ok sorry, I digress.  But really, why does this movie possibly need an R rating? I certainly don't remember any titties.

Speaking of not being remembered...I can only imagine that the director James Seale has got a second job. Can you really live off of directing your friend's straight to DVD stinkfest every 3 years? That would be amazing if the case. And just another reason us scientists are so crazy. You dare fund my grants?!

Put out by a company that clearly specializes in only the finest F-list fare, eg. I Spit on Your Grave 2 and Stonehenge Apocalypse, Scorcher, surprisingly (?) hasn't been able to build up the most bountiful of audiences. Amid the approximately 37 terrible IMDB reviews (Straight to video rubbish; There's bad, and then there's BAD) there stand out a few friendly faces, my favorite of which is definitely dunnfilms who inexplicably describes this masterpiece as,

"A very ambitious action film that rivals a big budget studio film - Scorcher is very impressive. It looks like a major studio film even though it was produced by a very cheap low budget organization. I expected it to be a real stinker but was pleasently surprised to see how good it turned out. If you like action this film is for you."

Whhhhaaaaa? Well, maybe it is explicable. Mr. Don. Dunn. Yes you. You should think about covering your tracks a bit more if you want to plant false positivity about a movie that you, yourself line-produced. I just knew that no one in their right mind would say such things!

But still. The effects did look quite good. Let's see....

The earthquake in the tunnel scene used tunnel scenes from the movie Daylight (1996).

The opening sequence in which Beckett saves McGrath from a volcano in South America uses driving shots taken from Dante's Peak (1997).

The intro helicopter sequence was taken from Dante's Peak (1997).

The nuclear explosion was taken from Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991). 
Well, that would certainly save on the budget wouldn't it! It's okay Scorcher. We love you for what you are. A sad sad place for such great actors to go and die. Bad dates is right.

I deem it: "All of my favorite B-listers in one place!/A natural disaster if ever there was one!/35.634789 cm and counting!"

Hey, "maybe she's just at that time of the month."

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Carnosaur (1993)

This carnivorous creature-feature has been terrorizing the dreams of children since 1993. Or at least from 1993 until 1995 when it was subsequently completely forgotten. At least, by most.....I'm not sure why or when I picked up this VHS, but I was most likely chuckling at the time. Anyway, it has been sitting lonely on my shelf since that day...That is until my friend Skip saw it and declared it "the absolute favorite movie" of his childhood. Hey, we can't all have it all. So what's a girl to do? Watch it of course! And my! Oh my!

I wish I could say this was some back-alley b-list forgettable, but the main actress has actually been nominated for 3 Academy Awards - take that credibility! Other than that, the cast is mostly made up of a motley crew. Except for the ever lovely Jennifer Runyon, ending her epic career with this final tree-topping dinosaur gem. May we forever remember her as the effervescent ESP enabled 'female student' of Ghostbusters.  A total budget of $1 million US dollars (wow, what they used to be able to do with a cool mill - now that wouldn't even buy trailers and catered lunch...) means that this movie actually turned a profit! Good job guys! Not by much, but every triumph should be celebrated, should it not?

Carnosaur is a deep and long-lasting piece of art, building dreams and encouraging lively debate across many fields of opinion and expertise. For example, I can only imagine how many young girls were empowered by the evil enterprise of the female villianess "Dr. Jane Tiptree" in this film. Not only is she a super-cool supervillian, but she's a scientist! Yes! Women can do everything! Apparently Tiptree is a little off her rocker and so she devises a plan to eliminate the human race and replace them with a genetically engineered extinct lineage of carnivorous dinosaurs. How do you ask? By spreading a contagion through pesticides, which when ingested by women, causes them to become pregnant with a dinosaur egg. Because who doesn't love dinosaurs?! I guess I can kind of see where she's coming from...

Compared to an Ed Wood version of Jurassic Park, and described as "The Darkest Dinosaur movie I've ever seen" (thank you Adam Davis of Ohio), not everyone has the immediate reaction to simultaneously laugh and vomit when looking at the cover of this movie. One user actually describes Carnosaur as "One of the better Corman-produced films." Wow, high praise from CMRKeyboadist, especially when looking at the CV of Mr. Corman. Movies like: Dance with a Vampyre (2013), Attack of the 50ft Cheerleader (2012), Scorpius Gigantis (2006), Bloodfist 2050 (2005), I could go on and on. Congratulations CMRKeyboadist on time well spent! Without your expertise on the Corman legacy, we would have no idea where the inimitable Carnosaur legacy falls upon that list.

And it truly is a legacy. The best 18 days ever spent if you ask me. Yes, that's how long it took to film this movie. Because greatness cannot be rushed! And neither can the Tyrannosaurus Rex effects, achieved by means of a miniature remote-controlled puppet, a man in a suit, and a full-sized, 16-foot-tall robot. Oh wait, "only a handful of shots involved the full-size robot, which had too narrow a range of movements to be convincing. The man in the suit proved equally cumbersome and was scrapped. Thus, most F/X shots were accomplished with the remote-control miniature and even some hand puppets." God, I love puppets. Speaking of G.O.D....the Generator of Diversity.... Ahahaha, so punny. This movie was really quite hilarious. If I learned 2 things from Carnosaur, it's that 1) dinosaurs can take the elevator, and 2) this film had entirely too much birthing. Oh yes, and LET ALL THEM DAMN ANIMALS GO TO HELL. "I hate wildlife." 

That's right, hail to the future.

Final sidenote, IMDB recommends "Groom Lake" as something that people who like this have also viewed. Since I am not a machine computer robot, I can tell you. No one. No one should ever recommend Groom Lake. NO ONE. DO YOU HEAR ME?!

Final judgement: "The earth was not made for us - she was made for the dinosaurs."/No chick neither no chicken gonna get the best of me!/One to watch, if only to remember the simpler robot puppet days of the 90's....

Dr. Sterling Raven: Isn't that the freshest, juciest blueberry pie you've ever tasted?
Senator: [nods]
Dr. Sterling Raven: You see, it's all done with a little bit of scientific magic. Every single blueberry is coated with a thick layer of goat embryonic fluid...
Senator: [vomits]

Wait. ONE LAST SIDENOTE. Carnosaur appears to have gained so much popularity that he is running for public office. Please find his official polling platform HERE.