Well...imdb actually says 1986, but I'm going with my super-awesome VHS tape on this one. Seriously, have you seen the DVD cover?? - It's a joke. This movie; oh, this movie. It has been sitting on my shelf since the early days of San Francisco, patiently waiting for its moment to shine. And that moment came when my favorite roommate and friendly bandmate (oh yes, I am in a band. We are called The Sunset Warriors) made his exit from my residence, leaving me slightly more alone and without instant musical companionship. But in a night of reluctant celebration, Neon Maniacs shined like the vibrant 80's signs it titularly embraces. Set in golden San Francisco, this horrendously hilarious horror flick brings just about everything one could want from a creature-feature to the table. The Scooby-Doo-loving porno fiend of a director, Joseph Mangine, did quite nicely with his $1.5 million. "Explain yourself," you might be thinking. Well, one look at Mr. Mangine's imdb page will explain the 'porno fiend' comment (although, with a nam
e like that, how can you blame him?). The SD is only so apparent after watching this, his one big-screen manifesto (to be fair, he was DP of the immortally esteemed film, The Sword and the Sorcerer = I guess I always knew deep down there was a working relationship between the dirtydown industry and B-list Hollywood sci-fi) . At first I was going with the whole bargain bin Costume Shop explanation for the bizarre range of so-called mutants. I mean, we've got a Native A
merican, an electro-man, a cyclops alien with a hook, an evil doctor, a caveman, a ghoul with a conquistador helmet, a noose man, a biker with a chain....And all these dudes are zombied out of course. It's like Mangine rounded up all of the Scooby-Doo villains he could find and brought them to life in the 80's to slice and dice kids with sex on the brain. Seriously, what's with the PSA? I guess being around all those pornos makes Mangine aching to do a little broadcasting of his own. Talk of virginity? Talk of birth control? And getting hacked up for making it in the park? I'm sensing a message here....right? But for all that, even in the glory of the 80's, we only get the slightest flash of tit. It's as if they forgot to edit it out - or perhaps they thought they could slide it by the editors as a little gift for their most loyal of fans? I'll take that one please, thank 
you very much (and how well it was received = yes, someone has screen captured that one 3 frame moment of bliss for our eternal pleasure). But back to that budget: the costumes are pretty good, so that's why I discarded the 'back alley costume shop' theory. I'm actually guessing that's where most of this budget went to - that and the sweet, vintage Muni chase scene. Oh man, I bet that Muni symbol was so trippy back in the day...But you've got to cut costs somewhere, and i'm guessing it's with actor time. The lead mamajama
, Leilani Sarelle, has only two modes in this movie - blank and sad. Combined with the fact that her hair starts pretty curly in the film (like 80's poodle curly) and gradually become less and less enthusiastic, eventually ending as straight as middleaged cat lady in Minnesota that had me wondering if I was watching the same actress, I'd give it 2 days tops that this chick was on set. Ok, I'm being a little harsh. But why is she trying to lose the big V at a battle of the bands a day after all of her friends were brutally hacked and hung to pieces (that noose gets a lot of play - the danger of hanging out in wooded areas I guess....)? And that battle of the bands....fish net, big hair thrashers vs. floozy sharp-shouldered crooners? I looked up the singer actually, just for kicks. He's moved on to much bigger and better things. So, if you're ever looking for some scrimshaw work, be sure and give Rick Bowles a call. Actually, most of the movie is filled with the beautiful lullaby of requisite synth. We get to truly appreciate it during the 3rd version of the opening credits. Ok, to be completely fair, there's a prologue, a title and theeeennnn the credits. So it's 3 different things. Except that I have no idea why the disembodied voice of the DragonStrike Dungeon Master is giving us a warning about children and death and apocalypse and the future and all that malarky. Be warned, the 80's awaits....`When the world is ruled by violence, and the soul of mankind fades, the children's path shall be darkened by the shadows of the Neon Maniacs.'
.......as long as it doesn't rain of course
......Final Judgment: "Classic and clearly culturally relevant = everything a Scooby-Doo safe-sex ad in the 80's could ever hope to say!/Get me my curling iron and my time machine!/The mystery of shady side dealings between the porn kingdom and the B-list empire unveiled!
P.s. Check out this super-awesome character study by Bob Wiace
k, a minorly mid-level comic book artist = go neon!
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