2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

Well, this movie certainly lives up to its title. It was both 2 fast and 2 furious for my brain. I'm not sure which was popularized first, but this trilogy certainly glamorizes the seriously dangerous act of drag racing. Now, I've been around a few drag races in my time, but let me tell you: a) the girls are not nearly as hot as they are in the movies b) you usually have to wait around forever, and often times the race never even happens c) the cars that show up are not very sweet, and the roads are never as smooth or abandoned. And another thing: there is absolutely nothing whatsoever macho about a bright yellow car with a spoiler and a pretty picture of an animal on the side. With that in mind, feel free to watch this movie. It certainly doesn't live up to the original (impossible without Vin) and has not yet accomplished the far-reaching absurdity of the third. But there are plenty of CGI chases, flabbergasting moves, implausible scenarios which often require guns, an amazingly vibrant synchronized deceit (think Thomas Crown Affair but with civics instead of bowler hats) even more ridiculous than you could imagine color-coordinated cars n' costumes, a smoking-hot Eva Mendes, who, for some reason beyond me, actually keeps her clothes on in this movie (I guess they gotta keep it PG-13 so their main audience won't have trouble getting into the theater), and a whole-hearted "long live the US of A" attitude. In fact, it actually brings people together: there's got to be one of every color of under-educated American in there! Damn that's sexy. And, it's always a good sign when they switch in numbers for words (less [I'd put in the mathematical symbol if I thought it was at all realistic] 2 read!). Oh, and it's got a bitchin' soundtrack. This movie's about as real as these posters (the chick is for all those chola girlfriends out there): I had to pick a few because I've never seen so many 'awesome' wallpapers from a sequel before! What a totally bizarro sub-culture.


I deem it: "A multi-colored-neck, smartass, douchebag, testosterone-based extravaganza!"