Knights (1993)

Ah, another day, another post-apocalyptic Lance Henricksen movie. You wouldn't know it from watching it, but this movie is way way after the Alien pics. Granted, Henricksen had already done his little stint in Super Mario Bros., probably one of the best, and most underrated films out there, so Knights is mostly inevitable. In fact, if you look at his imdb page, it doesn't look like he's ever turned down any part, ever. But that's what ends up making jewels like this one. Also in this film are Kris Kristofferson, who had a whole career before I was even born, but whom you may especially recognize as Whistler in the Blade trilogy, AND Kathy Long, a kick-boxing champion from the 1980's. She's quite the number with her ratty blond she-ra curls and a tight bod (plus the pug nose). Her stunts mostly look half-hearted which leads me to believe that she's not exerting her full power for fear of completely devastating (a popular word in the film) the other stunt actors. Long plays Nea, a human rebel on a post-apocalyptic Earth where blood-sucking cyborgs have control (ruled by Lance) and take the humans for slaves and (of course) food. For some reason, the cyborgs also have a definite saliva/drooling problem. After seeing Kris Kristofferson, a robot built especially for the demolition of the ruling cyborgs, stab other robots in the head and save her life, Nea takes up with him in an effort to learn the ways of destruction. Lots of mechanical arms and dirty people. Also, a long lost brother to be reunited with. At the end of the film, they mention this mystical 'cyborg city,' and completely leaves you with a sequel craze, a hope I continue to hold on to. The best part about this film is not that it's written and directed by the same guy as Nemesis and Nemesis II, but really that it's low-budget. That means they had to film everything on location and realistic-like. Trust, everyone looks like they've been living in that desert, which is actually in the Southwest and quite beautiful. And they filmed with a bunch of colored filters, either that or my VHS copy is just destroyed, but either way it makes everything look a) more psychedelic, b) more alien-like and c) just more awesome in general. Plus, Kathy Long's got a great ass.

Final Judgment: "Devastating (in the good way)."