Krull (1983)

It appears that somehow I managed to be struck with a misguided missile of ill-fate during my adolescence, because this detstve was never graced with the glory of Krull. But there is always time to mend mistakes, and let me tell you, on one of my meandering moments under the dreary lights of the local Blockbuster, I wandered past this wicked wonder and stopped dead in my tracks. Yes, the name of Krull rings true in my subconscious - I have definitely heard people praise its perfection when wistfully reminiscing of the days of puppets and costumes, elaborate sets and the always effective foreground miniature and luscious layering - but it was not until I stumbled past the cover, with a cyclops, an 80's princess and the futuresque medieval 5-pronged boomerang, that I deliciously and delicately placed this delight on my inner list, where not all movies may go, but those that do can make or break lives...and television sets. But these titillating treasures, placed so perfectly for a browsing eye, are only the shallowest of surfaces - no, no, the real winnings lie below. First of all, the sets and landscapes are beautiful, and that is not something that I was expecting. The castles yes, but the cliff-climbing in the Canaries, that's a beast of a different burden. It's the layers and layers of color and suns and the sets perfectly melded to create an epic atmosphere of classic sci-fi. Yes my friends, this is classic. I hate to use the word standard, but it is the standard, where all 80's sci movies should be. There was actually an eerie echo pulling at my brain and bringing The Ice Pirates to mind, which I find isn't strange at all since it's one of the only other movies managed by this madman writer. Ah, the 80s. And there is certainly a common sense of past and future with the medieval, lotr, star wars, sort of future quest vibe going on. But if that means one thing, it's a glorious one....tights and bare chests for all! (men at least)! There's an odd mix of storm troopers and knights, sword battles and laser fights, hairy chests and pleather, insectoid aliens, ancient monsters, skulking cyclops and old man seers. Let's see, we can totally play the where's the waldo weirdness game; find these things and more!:....flashing green lithics, battle axes and a tomato-picking hagrid, transmorphing, metal eyes, whips and furry capes, far too much fake hair, a Neanderthal kid, Liam Neeson whoring himself out for provisions, a disembodied monster claw with a delicate dainty in its clutches, flaming footed wild horses wrangled and wrassled and ready for more, oracles and spooky spiders, the totally mario moment (jump over the fireball, jump!) and the miraculously melting head. Oh yes my friends, and this is just the beginning. But seriously, it's no wonder this got turned into a videogame! It's ripe for the right-left-right!

Final Judgment: A magical time of romance, battles and crazy images (the 80's of course)!/It's not the glaive, it's you!/An amalgamation of all our greatest future fantasy myths!/If love is supposed to make you shoot fireballs out of your palm, I guess I'm not doing it right!/Ah Stanford Sherman, the alliteration in your name proves that we were meant to be together!/God, I wish people were still making awesome sci-fi movies!