My Science Project (1985)

I don't know if it's because the piece of glory known as My Science Project and the piece of glory known as "Tesla" were released into the world in the same year or whatever, but this film hits me in a special tingly place. I might even venture to say that it's in my Top 10 list, and trust me, that is no easy feat! I shudder at the mere thought of picking 10 lonely movies to be the most intense, memorable and ultimately life-changing events in my cinematic/ entertainment existence, but I know that this one clearly stands apart from the billions and billions of other movies that I watch each year. Is it the Hopper? A definite possibility. His radical honky-hating, oxygen-snuffing, time-traveling character certainly serves to solidify his place in my Hall of Awesomeness. And he does deliver many of the most memorable quotes of the film ("The future is a groove man, I made sure of that; it's a funky valley high!"). But Hopper alone is not always enough to catapult a film to greatness (eg. Swing Vote). Here, he is joined by the motliest of crews, including a hick in a plaid shirt with the sleeves ripped off who is known exclusively for his love of cars, a glasses wearing nerdette who works at the school paper and has to beg for a date, and the wisecracking greasy Italiano with a heavy Bronx accent, slicked back hair, tight jeans and a serious sexism problem (oh shit!: Hopper and Stevens together again?; their combined craziness made both this and Super Mario Bros.!!). And don't forget the evil nerd who is only looking to get those meatheads in trouble and has his finest hour when he riddles the school scoreboard with bullets from his automatic weapon (hey, it's the 80's!). All in all, we're talking a bunch of uglies. Like super ugly. Luckily, this is a comedy, and everyone knows that comedians like to be ugly. But there is one crucial element that truly makes the movie. Why, that's the wacky alien device (I guess electric globes were harder to come by in the 80's!) that blends the space-time continuum, thereby sending Dennis Hopper on the greatest trip of his life, and simultaneously sending the kids on the scariest and most stereotyped journey in their short histories, of course. You gotta love a movie with Neanderthals fighting side by side with Roman soldiers and post-apocalyptic mutants (right?)! And don't forget the claymation T-Rex! But, unlike other viewers, I don't merely "recommend it for a boy child." I ask again: what kind of world is this where I am the only person on facebook with this movie listed in their favorites section!?? How is that possible?? Seriously, how could anyone not think this movie was mind-alteringly awesome? I mean, I got high just from watching this clip!

I deem it: "The greatest thing to happen to the greatest genre and the greatest actor ever!/Long live the Hopper!/Neanderthals, mutants, and Viet Cong: oh my!/A miracle of unmatched magnitudes that thrives on the edge of 80's PC (yes, that's PC, not VC!)/This is a script you'll never forget!