Flash Gordon (1980)

Wowzah, I'm still coming back down from this intergalactic trip. I mean, this could definitely be in the running for the most out of control movie I've ever seen. The script is pretty fair to the original comic, but that still doesn't explain away any of this 70's/80's craziness. Apparently, George Lucas was even keying in on this concept, but he didn't make it to the rights in time (don't worry, he wrote Star Wars instead). The film had a serious budget of $30 million which was a pretty cherry chunk of change back then, and I'd like to think they used it well. I mean, it's no Star Wars, and they definitely made a few misjudgments along the way (like why didn't they hire Kurt Russell and Dennis Hopper? = insanity!). But all in the all, the movie is definitely...memorable. It's as if this director, who has done almost nothing of consequence, just won the film-budget jackpot, and, realizing that he will never see this amount of money again, attempted to complete every wacky character idea that has ever strayed across his confused desert of a mind. There are beary hairy cherubs, tree people, multi-colored midgets, Ming the Merciless (ruler of planet Mongo), and, oh shit!, Timothy Dalton. And the costumes! We're talking serious beading with crazy textures and dimensions and colors. Apparently Ming's costume weighed some 70lbs of crazy! I spent the majority of the movie attempting to decide which awesome costume I would wear to a Halloween party in my ideal world. It was difficult, to say the least. And the planetary atmosphere is made of psychedelic swirling colors (dye in water tanks), with awesome, futuristic floating cities dotting the horizon! I'm glad I have a stable mind, or it must just have blown. And did I mention: the theme song, and all of its derivative, were written and performed by Queen = out of this world! This is almost everything I could have wanted in a cheesy, big-budget, saving the earth from stylish aliens type of flick. There's even a pillow fight!

I deem it: "Appropriately daft and deliciously decadent!/Chains, whips and leather, oh my!/Enough to make your (supposedly) most important organ sizzle its way into cervelle brulee! /The legal way to make it through probation!