Assassins (1995)

It's sad to think that this blog has recently become a deposit for melancholic movies that are forgettable rather than obscurish, but alas, I post again about a regrettable experience. Unlike so many of the shadier selections on my shelf, this filthy film had every reason to be delectable. Starring Antonio Banderas, Sylvester Stallone, and Julianne Moore, the movie was written by the Wachowski brothers (although the script got revamped to take some of the more brutal violence out = unfortunate) and directed by the miraculous Richard Donner who has laid his blessed hand upon some of the most iconic images of 20th century cinema, including, but not limited to: Superman I and II, Lethal Weapon 1-4, Ladyhawke, and, who could forget, The Goonies! That is the most rocking resume I've ever seen! But no, this movie had to be awful. Two hours of useless plot, amateur action, and absolutely no nudity. Boorrring. The only point during which I was even remotely interested was when they showed the cat, and, I'm sorry to say, that's just not good enough. There are like 2 million better action movies than this, and they probably all have Stallone in them, so don't fret. And, as Spencer points out, what good is Banderas without his guitar case?

Final Judgment: "Leave it for the no-brainer late night cable sessions."