Idle Hands (1999)

Well, this one's just in time for Halloween. It actually wasn't a deliberate festively themed selection, but I deem it in good fate that I felt an overwhelming urge to watch something with Seth Green in it and was delightfully delivered this epic Halloween classic. But please, somebody tell me how a movie filled with awesome teenagers (Devon Sawa, Seth Green, Elden Hanson and Jessica Alba [there's a special place in my heart for this daring babe, as there is for any chick you can convincingly kick the ass of tons of dudes while still being hot and potentially bio engineered.]) and awesome teenager music (The Offspring, Rancid, Sublime, Rob Zombie, Static-X, Zebrahead and the Living End [to mention a few]) and destined for an H2O release could do so poorly. I'm in shock! This movie cost $20 million dollars to make (half of which was spent trying to get Jessica Alba to take her clothes off [= success!!] and the other half was pushed into making totally awesome and pretty good for last millennium technically speaking computer/otherly graphics [ie speaking amputated head, Bruce Campbell type evil hand, etc.]), and didn't gross more than $5 million. Pathetic! And it even has titays (the topless prize goes not to Alba [oh so unfortunately], but to pretty much positively a stripper chick with three hands [one dismembered and possessed by the devil] groping her)! I can't believe it. I do have to admit, I thought the stoner image was a little tarnished with the dirty, stupid, can't do anything with or without weed, good-for-nothing, stop and take a toke when I realize your parents are dead even though it took 2 days for you to notice that they're rotting in your living room, I hide my pipe in my asthma inhaler and try to score weed from cops, idiotic, adolescent male stereotype, to which I personally take offense. On the other hand, I did have to laugh out loud, and even wonder who would possibly see this movie who wasn't stoned [hence the low returns?] with such blatant marijuana-lovery going on. That and the gruesome violence against friend and family. He kills his parents! At least his friends get to come back as the undead, but his poor parents are gone forever. And what does he get? A free house and Jessica Alba spoon feeding him. Oh the morals!

I deem it: "A perfect picture of 17 year old males in the neanderthalic nineties (And damn it's good!)."

Ps. There were so many creepy still frames of Jessica Alba in google images...Yikes!