Sunday, October 27, 2013

Carnosaur (1993)

This carnivorous creature-feature has been terrorizing the dreams of children since 1993. Or at least from 1993 until 1995 when it was subsequently completely forgotten. At least, by most.....I'm not sure why or when I picked up this VHS, but I was most likely chuckling at the time. Anyway, it has been sitting lonely on my shelf since that day...That is until my friend Skip saw it and declared it "the absolute favorite movie" of his childhood. Hey, we can't all have it all. So what's a girl to do? Watch it of course! And my! Oh my!

I wish I could say this was some back-alley b-list forgettable, but the main actress has actually been nominated for 3 Academy Awards - take that credibility! Other than that, the cast is mostly made up of a motley crew. Except for the ever lovely Jennifer Runyon, ending her epic career with this final tree-topping dinosaur gem. May we forever remember her as the effervescent ESP enabled 'female student' of Ghostbusters.  A total budget of $1 million US dollars (wow, what they used to be able to do with a cool mill - now that wouldn't even buy trailers and catered lunch...) means that this movie actually turned a profit! Good job guys! Not by much, but every triumph should be celebrated, should it not?

Carnosaur is a deep and long-lasting piece of art, building dreams and encouraging lively debate across many fields of opinion and expertise. For example, I can only imagine how many young girls were empowered by the evil enterprise of the female villianess "Dr. Jane Tiptree" in this film. Not only is she a super-cool supervillian, but she's a scientist! Yes! Women can do everything! Apparently Tiptree is a little off her rocker and so she devises a plan to eliminate the human race and replace them with a genetically engineered extinct lineage of carnivorous dinosaurs. How do you ask? By spreading a contagion through pesticides, which when ingested by women, causes them to become pregnant with a dinosaur egg. Because who doesn't love dinosaurs?! I guess I can kind of see where she's coming from...

Compared to an Ed Wood version of Jurassic Park, and described as "The Darkest Dinosaur movie I've ever seen" (thank you Adam Davis of Ohio), not everyone has the immediate reaction to simultaneously laugh and vomit when looking at the cover of this movie. One user actually describes Carnosaur as "One of the better Corman-produced films." Wow, high praise from CMRKeyboadist, especially when looking at the CV of Mr. Corman. Movies like: Dance with a Vampyre (2013), Attack of the 50ft Cheerleader (2012), Scorpius Gigantis (2006), Bloodfist 2050 (2005), I could go on and on. Congratulations CMRKeyboadist on time well spent! Without your expertise on the Corman legacy, we would have no idea where the inimitable Carnosaur legacy falls upon that list.

And it truly is a legacy. The best 18 days ever spent if you ask me. Yes, that's how long it took to film this movie. Because greatness cannot be rushed! And neither can the Tyrannosaurus Rex effects, achieved by means of a miniature remote-controlled puppet, a man in a suit, and a full-sized, 16-foot-tall robot. Oh wait, "only a handful of shots involved the full-size robot, which had too narrow a range of movements to be convincing. The man in the suit proved equally cumbersome and was scrapped. Thus, most F/X shots were accomplished with the remote-control miniature and even some hand puppets." God, I love puppets. Speaking of G.O.D....the Generator of Diversity.... Ahahaha, so punny. This movie was really quite hilarious. If I learned 2 things from Carnosaur, it's that 1) dinosaurs can take the elevator, and 2) this film had entirely too much birthing. Oh yes, and LET ALL THEM DAMN ANIMALS GO TO HELL. "I hate wildlife." 

That's right, hail to the future.

Final sidenote, IMDB recommends "Groom Lake" as something that people who like this have also viewed. Since I am not a machine computer robot, I can tell you. No one. No one should ever recommend Groom Lake. NO ONE. DO YOU HEAR ME?!

Final judgement: "The earth was not made for us - she was made for the dinosaurs."/No chick neither no chicken gonna get the best of me!/One to watch, if only to remember the simpler robot puppet days of the 90's....

Dr. Sterling Raven: Isn't that the freshest, juciest blueberry pie you've ever tasted?
Senator: [nods]
Dr. Sterling Raven: You see, it's all done with a little bit of scientific magic. Every single blueberry is coated with a thick layer of goat embryonic fluid...
Senator: [vomits]

Wait. ONE LAST SIDENOTE. Carnosaur appears to have gained so much popularity that he is running for public office. Please find his official polling platform HERE.