Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984)

In honor of the demise of the honorable David Carradine, on this 4th of June, 2009, I have decided to post on his greatest of movies. No, I'm not talking about Kill Bill or Kung Fu; this is the highly underrated fantasy film The Warrior and the Sorceress. It made almost zero money, there's no posted trivia about it, and it has one of the lowest ratings I've ever seen on But, what's up with that? This movie is clearly a great work of art. How could anyone read these crucial keywords (village, warrior, well, love, remake of Japanese film, sorcerer, sword and sorcery, drowning, woman drowned, remake, martial arts, male female relationship, nudity, priest, princess, castle, sex, nude woman murdered, and independent film), see that Carradine is in it to win it, and not watch and love this movie before a fortnight has passed? I mean, let me spell it out for you: the female lead is topless in every single one of her scenes. That's one way to cut back on wardrobe costs! There was so much t&a in this shit, I practically cried myself to sleep. There's even some full frontal! Add that to martial arts and sword fights, a totally tubular animatronic bipedal lizard, tricky situations, a four tittied b/witchy erotic dancer, nonhuman jittery goblin-faced idiot slavers, the robes and the robbed, and you've pretty much got every teenage boy's wet dream. Or maybe I should just speak for myself. Either way, that's hott. Other points of interest include: the infinite abyss that are Carradine's thighs, a giant puppet octopus creature, the fact that this entire movie might be dubbed and, of course, the knowledge that Carradine is a wily son-of-a-bitch who plays everybody like a skilled flautist. Oh yes.

Final Judgment: "Carradine lives on in barbaric legendry and castles of kick-ass!/Oh the eighties; you were so awesome we're going back in sexualization time to compensate!


No comments: