Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Alien Apocalypse (2005)

Man oh man; well, I almost hate to admit it, but I've clearly become one of those people who buys a movie, cheesy cover and all, exclusively because Bruce Campbell is in it. This disaster is a most excellent example (as is that other gem on my shelf: Goldrush: A Real Life Alaskan Adventure = yikes!). In fact, not only is Bruce Campbell the only (cough cough) notable actor in this shit-filled shenanigan (oh wait, don't forget the Lucy Lawless stand-in, and always trusty sidekick, Renee O'Connor!), but most of the other actors don't even speak English! As if the classically bad wigs and facial hair weren't fake enough as it was! No no, taking low budget to a third-world extreme, this entire movie was filmed in Bulgaria. And that is also where they hired 99% of the actors. I guess dubbing is easier than paying taxes in the U.S. of A. But seriously, this movie is out of control low budget. The sets are terrorific, the actors are pathetic (that stupid chick only elicits brainwaves when she's tossing things around like an idiot, giving a bad name to woman everywhere!), and its obvious that Bruce Campbell made up most of the script on the spot. And don't forget the constant TV-requisite fade-to-blacks = always a barrel of laughs. Sadly enough, as terrible as the movie was, I will probably still continue to buy Campbell cult classics. The dude's a fucking icon!

Final Judgment: "Astronauts, aliens and fluids galore!/People of the woods rejoice: Your smart-mouthed savior has arrived!/Once again, made for TV = made for my cobwebbiest shelves!/Bruce Campbell, I'll always love you!

Yesterday, they were only astronauts. Today, they're humanity's only hope.
And yes, this was the Sci-Fi Channel's highest rated made-for-tv classic ever debuted. Youch!

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