Monday, August 18, 2008

Miracles (1989)

Or is it 2003? Or '61? Okay, let's straighten this out. The movie was written in 1961 (A Pocket Full of Miracles), Jackie Chan directed and starred in it in 1989, and the US finally recognized the value of the Chan currency and re-released in 2000. In addition to a random amalgamation of dates (ahh John Rhys-Davies), this film also has a variety of name associations. Mr. Canton and Lady Rose, Black Dragon, Ji Ji and The Canton Godfather are just a few of the literary designations, although Miracles may actually be the most appropriate. As in: there are many miracles tied directly to the visual integration of this piece. 1) It's a miracle I made it through this movie (and the original version is a half an hour longer!). 2) It's a miracle that Jackie Chan confesses that this is the favorite film of his. 3) It's a miracle that somebody paid 64,000,000 HKD for this mess (that's 196725189 New Mozambican Metical, 318896821.50 Haitian Gourdes, 28554.277 ounces of Aluminum or just over 8 million US buckaroos [for all those traditionalists out there]!). 4) It's a miracle that the imdb reviews are so nice. 5) And, in my opinion, most obviously, it's a miracle that someone actually birthed Jackie Chan. I mean, did anyone actually see it happen? He can't be real. He must be some sort of alien god from a land of righteousness and appreciably more flexible joints: it's the only explanation! Well Miracles is by no means a terrible movie. It's not even bad. What it is is A) confusing B) set in the 1930's (what a look into time and fashion traditionally handed to me on American soil; dang, is that the anthropologist in me starting up?) C) not necessarily filled with good morals D) did I mention confusing? and E) totally and utterly unlikely. I mean, we're talking sci-fi, super-hero, action extravaganza unlikely but without any of those things. Just Jackie and a few fight scenes. The rest of the movie is spent in some sort of poverty, class war, Hong Kong gang, tale of goodness and deceit (all at the same time) fairytale. Also, Jackie Chan had some weird Brit fancy-pants voice dubbed over him. Hawt. Oh, and I know that that second poster isn't really associated with the movie, but it's the second thing that came up when I entered 'miracles' into google images. Man, oh man.

Final Verdict: "Confusing and Chan-olicious"

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