Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Shoot 'Em Up (2007)

Aaahhhhhhhh.........!!!!!!!!!........ (that's me orgasming just thinking about this brilliant piece of "gun porn"). We're talking, non-stop, balls-out, no-holds-barred, raunchy, spicy, salty and most definitely 21st century blood and gore. Think of Jessica Rabbit (Bellucci) come to life and turned into a wet-nurse whore meets Bugs Bunny (Owen) with a serious penchant for the quick-draw, ass-kicking and booby traps, while simultaneously maintaining an intelligent and ecologically-friendly existence, and then there's Giamatti as Elmer Fudd, bringing death and stupidity (as well as a ridiculous accent) to the live-action universe with his sadistic ways and creepy submission to necrophilia related activities. Whew. I don't know how this supernaturally superb sideshow made less than a third of it's budget while in theaters, but I'm going to have to blame it on bad promo. I mean, this movie is AWESOME. It knows exactly what it wants to accomplish (a new generation of the action flick combining a cartoonish extreme with surprisingly realistic blood-and-guts [they always dumb it down], a desire to wrench every last bit of sweat out of that R-rating, a comically impressive protagonist and a new-found respect for the shortened attention span [be it socially or drugically induced]) and it sets out like there's no fucking tomorrow. I mean, DAMN. Whoever came up with this shit is genius! You have to give credit for the concept of attempting to make a certain kind of movie (not a fucking money-making, pathetic, ugly, white, comedian piece of shit OR an award winning piece of shit or anything else that attempts to appeal to a wide audience at all) and actually going through with it. It made it past censors and producers and whoever else tried to stop it's unholy conception, and yet still, Victory! I don't really think you can appreciate it until you see it (carrots through the cranium, shooting off umbilical cords, fucking while fighting, and that's just the beginning...), and it's only 88 minutes long. it! Why are you still even here weirdo?

I deem it: "A Revolution! Quite possibly the most ridiculous and simultaneously sensational movie you've ever seen! Beyond words! Beyond Earth! Beyond the Galaxy! It's Out of this World!" ....what more can I say?....

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