Sunday, February 15, 2009


Ready to Rumble (2000) - Man, is this one a stinker. Not surprising since it comes from the director of Good Burger, Varsity Blues, Hard Ball, Norbit and Meet Dave. Wowzah, is that a stellar rep of disaster films (no, not with tornadoes) if I've ever seen one. This guy deserves some sort of medal! Well he's done it again with Ready to Rumble. With extensive amounts of red-neck, wrestler, toilet humor, about the only thing awesome about this movie is the fact that the great Oliver Platt stars as a washed up wrestler fighting to regain his crown. And they spent every penny they had hiding that fact on the cover! I guess it makes sense since everyone is chiming in unison: "What were they thinking?!" Also starring David Arquette, Scott Caan, Rose McGowan, Martin Landau and a shit-load of real life wrestlers, this clearly pathetic film was lambasted in every potential audience group and barely managed to recoup half of it's $24 million budget. And if you need further proof, just check out some of the quotes listed. Kevin Smith so wishes he made this film. And now, let us "rejoice with the King in his motorcastle!"

Batman Returns (1992) - Another glorious epic by Tim Burton, it has all the characteristics of his early masterpieces: dark and demented sets, a sense of the outrageously cartoon, and men in makeup. While I do agree that Burton's work has declined steadily with time/output, there is also no denying that a) Michelle Pfeiffer looks super hot in leather and b) this Batman movie has clearly influenced our generation with its Gothic gawdyiness. In essence, everything I expect from a Batman movie (Bale, you're a fucking amateur!). For a good time, check out the pretty seriously scintillating trivia facts. Yay for Burton's Batman!

Wild Wild West (1999) - From the director of The Addams Family and the Men in Blacks, this movie is big budget, big stars, big audience, and for most people, a big failure. Definitely a mix between MIB and that shitty version of Around the World in 80 Days with Jackie Chan, it's hard not to have appreciation for the light-hearted, yet still tittilicious, action comedy with a touch of mechanistic sci-fi (right?). I've always had a soft-spot for the family friendly essence of Will Smith, and seeing him ride a giant arachnoid android doesn't hurt. I mean, everybody loves Will Smith! But why in the world did they think that a $170 million budget for a film set in the costumey world of the old west, yet filled with contraptions and gadgets, would be a good plan? Works for me I guess! Salma's boobies will save the world!
PS. Why is it that actors always think their greatest movies are shit?: Will Smith thinks this movie was the worst decision of his life, most likely because he turned down the part of Neo in The Matrix for this hot mess. Whoops!
PPS. The music video is super-hot!

1 comment:

Ram Peters said...

Good call on WWW. My friends and I once threw an entire party centered around the title song. No one believed me when I told them my idea, and when I played the song at the beginning of the party people rolled their eyes - but by the end of the night and the fifth time I played the song, people loved it! The matrix is gay.