Saturday, July 26, 2008

Circuitry Man (1990)

"What the fuck is this, 20 questions?" That's exactly what I'm asking myself after sitting through this happenin' jewel. Ah the classic touch of crossing costume-eras. It 'worked' for Ice Pirates, so why wouldn't it 'work' here? Oh but it does, oh but it does. We've got some sex-droid who loves stallions, and looks like he just unmounted one, wearing tights and boots and a ruffly-collared white Renaissance shirt standing next to Plughead, whose head is, get this, covered in plugs. There's also a really ugly fat woman named Juice, a leech-eating freak named Leech (another clever pun), some cops seemingly into mixing pleasure with sewage ("God damn shit! God damn piss!), a no-good biker gang, and the ever-classy Mad-Max groupies. Throw in an oxygen bar, a few bad plug and airlock jokes ("Why jack off when you can jack in?"), a couple of drawn and quarter-ings, and a glimpse into the clay-mation hell known as Plughead's brain (the monster masks and stacks of corpses!) and you've got a truly troubling concoction. 'Circuitry Man' isn't even a single person! Every dude and his brother is circuitry man! And there's this whole subplot involving the destruction of the earth and loss of all oxygen in the atmosphere, but that's really what it is: a subplot. They go over it in the first 10 seconds of the credits by gifting us with a couple of paragraphs. That's it! I mean, for all it's sci-fi glory, it's basically just about some deal gone bad and some asshole who wants the merch back. Yes, there's a creepy old man half made of a car engine who gets his brain melted by Plughead after he hooks up to him and thinks real hard. Yes, there's a confusing conspiracy of characters. Yes, there's digital manipulation of memory and thought processes. Yes, there are toxic mutant leeches killing people left and right. There are even the briefest of titties. But what does that all really add up to? Oh wait....something awesome! I totally convinced myself! The weirdest part of all is that it seems like the sequel is more popular than the original. How is that possible? For more information, and to 'be safe,' check this site out.

Final Judgment: "You really can judge a movie by its cover!"

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