Tuesday, February 16, 2010

My Best Friend is a Vampire (1987)

There was a time, believe it or not, when our teen monster movies weren't all about chastity and struggling with the darker sides of life in a divided family. No, no, that's just so....2000's (yeah, that still doesn't sound good...). Here, we can return to the joyous days of endless sun and perky breasts in a better day known as 80's teen cinema. This flick strolls in right alongside Teen Wolf and Teen Wolf Too (even though they are technically the same script), Teen Witch and all those other upbeat, clearly marketed, sci-fi comedies. I guess they were getting sick of all that post-apocalyptic shit. This is certainly a more care-free attitude. Sex with older women/vampires, allusions to homosexuality, tongue farts and six-packs of Pig's Blood Lite in the fridge all lead to one thing: 80's cool! That's right: he's got the hair, the sunglasses, and the handbook to Vampirism: A Practical Guide to an Alternative Lifestyle. There are bevies of babes and laughable outfits, all alongside the turmoils of adolescence when you're hungry for blood and just trying to fit in. Also, amazingly, our favorite "god damn shit god damn piss" angrydude from Circuitry Man AND the Professor from TMNT:Secret of the Ooze come together in a blissfully b-list act of goodness that gives the crazy adult antagonists a life and dimension I never thought possible.

"Jeremy, it has come to my attention that you have recently had a sordid and sexual encounter with strange and beautiful woman"

Final Judgment: "Oh-so-80's!/When being cool was all about scoring poon and having a sweet blowout!/Why do these vampires keep turning into wolves???My monster radar is frying?!/That chick has the most amazingly 80's dyke hair = hottest nerd ever!

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