Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Super Mario Bros. (1993)

Well, let's face it. I basically started this blog just so I could post on this movie. I've been putting it off because I don't know how to translate the sheer glory of this cinematic masterpiece into mere words. While I am not (completely) alone in my assessment of this creation as one of the best entertainment movies ever made, there are certainly hordes and mobs who are not quite as happy. No, SMB (as the nerds call it) doesn't really have anything to do with the game. The same characters appear, in various forms, formats or stages of evolution and you see a few of the key mario ingredients (It's a bo-bomb!), but there's no Mushroom Kingdom, Daisy doesn't wear a dress, oh and they added in that whole plot thing (wuuuuut?). Instead, the stimulating studio concocted this absolutely brilliant scheme where there's a whole parallel Earth to which dinosaurs were banned and left to evolve into intelligent life forms after a meteor hit the Earth. But get this, their Earth is shitty and all that's left is this post-apocalyptic Dinohattan (think the Escape's but with reptile based humans) that the king ('played' by Lance Henriksen), who has devolved into fungus, is slowly consuming. And that's why King Koopa (masterfully managed by the one and only Dennis Hopper) wants to cross the portal. Bring in Daisy, an in-the-dark dino princess who meets up with Mario Bros., the infamous plumbers played by the classically cool Bob Hoskins John Leguizamo (and damn is Mario's girlfriend way too hot for him!) while doing what of all things?: why digging up dinosaur bones of course! For me, there are a couple of crucial components to the overall success of this gem. First of all, it's in the details. Koopa's hair, the cars, the evolution machine, Toad's haircut, the politics of it all, the movie theaters, the totally awesome theme song, the kitsch phrases (filthy mammals!), the props, the characters, the original use of the secret ingredient, and, of course, the sets and costumes! While Hoskins and Leguizamo both admit that they thought the movie was so terrible that they were intoxicated for the majority of it, there's no denying the genius composed realism of a cast and studio that attempts to create something both monumental and ridiculous without taking themselves or anyone else seriously. In fact, they describe it best themselves, stating that, "one of the biggest reasons the movie turned out the way it did was because the directors wanted a more "adult" movie while the studio, considering the source material, was looking for a children's film." And there you have it. Based on my recent research, that is the crucial element for a successful live-action sci-fi/fantasy. In fact, that's what we all need in life: a significant chunk of adolescence to carry us through the reality of adulthood. In my opinion, anyone who takes themselves too seriously is just a big fucking joke. Look around! Look at this Universe and our pitiful 100,000 year existence (only 10k of which actually counts as 'history')! There is no greater meaning and United States society is a pathetic attempt to impose significance into fictional literature and fictional paper products with only a focus on the last 200 years and the next ten. Fuck you dudes! Ah money, the only greenery I hate as well as love. Anyfucker, Super Mario Bros. is the best movie sitting on my shelf, and that's saying a lot. Some douchebag on imdb comments (I'm watching you fucking Hamster_Factor) has actually confirmed both my fielding of a love for this film and my belief that almost everyone is an idiot. The little dickcheese says (and I quote, incorrect grammer included), "I was 9 or 10 whenever this film came out and now that I look back in retrospect, I realise just how stupid I was. The problem with being a child is that you rarely, if ever, know anything, and so - because of that disability, you end up going to see films like like this, 'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves', 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' to name but a few stinkers I was subjected to when I was a young boy. When you're small, seeing Elias Koteas hitting angry Chinese people with golf-clubs is the highlight of your existence, seeing Bob Hoskins kill dinosaurs while dressed as an early incarnation of Bob the Builder was the greatest thing on the planet, but then you grow up and realise that most of your childhood was a precursor to adult misanthropy." Well said. And ironic since a) TMNT is one of the other best live-action adult/children movies ever made and because b) I'm going to post on Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves in a little while. These same movies graced by childhood. But unlike hamster-douche, I actually appreciate them more with age because I can recognize the significance of something deemed so inappropriate by society and yet so gloriously interpretative of human imaginative potential. Also, I love the lack of CGI. Yes for actually building the goddamn set! Yes! Yes! Yes!
I've attempted to put in as many pictures as is humanely possible, and I've also found a couple of sweet sites. This site has tons of screen shots, and this site is weird and amusing. And what's the best part about all of this (or strangest or most depressing)?: as with all things great, SMB is completely obscure and underrated.

Final Judgment: "Long live Big Bertha, the bouncer at the Boom Boom Bar!


1 comment:

Ram Peters said...

best post yet - best movie yet.