Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Bloodrayne (2005)

Man, people hated this film. The negative comments abound. It's mostly related to the fact the video game is apparently awesome (it inspired two movies and a comic series), and the movie is not (it inspired a loss of appetite). Personally, I can't say anything too bad about a movie that contains vampires, full frontal nudity from legitimate Romanian prostitutes (they're cheaper than actresses!), an excess of gore, a strong female protagonist (she's part vampire, part human! she kills vamps! just like Blade! they should date!), terrific weapons, and Meat Loaf. Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, Michelle Rodriguez and Kristanna Loken (T3), all of whom also appear in this flop of a vampire movie. Not that it doesn't deserve to be watched. When you do watch it, I recommend the director's cut. You'll see smashed brains and gushing jugulars, intestines and rotting limbs, and of course, perky titties galore. The violence was a bit nauseating, but as long as you're not eating, you should do just fine. The best part about this film is that everybody dies. Whoops, did I spoil it? Everyone except the heroine of course. But the movie begins and ends in blood; hence the title. And yet there's little resolution. I think I prefer the Underworld series as there's less blood but still plenty of action. This is just slice after slice after slice. Ah well, no one said vampires aren't messy.

Final Judgement: "Bloody good"

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