Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Sting of the Black Scorpion (2002)

Man, this shit is 2002? This looks terrible. It's totally bad TV quality. Oh wait, it's not actually a movie. It's just 3 Black Scorpion episodes (a Sci-Fi Channel original [ouch!]) strung together and re-sold! What a surprise! What a gyp! Well, at least I watched this and fulfilled any bizarre super-hero erotic fantasies that I had without having to actually watch any more episodes. What a relief. Yes, it's that bad. Think of Power Rangers quality costumes with tons of cleavage. There's so much stock footage being used that you can amuse yourself by guessing how many different movies are combined into just this one. And occasionally the explosions are so lame, it looks like a South Park episode. Yowzah. Even worse, the promise for brief nudity was seemingly empty. Unless a million kicking-crotch shots count as nudity. What a bummer. There are some lasers and some sweet corvettes. Tons of bimbos. Lots of cleavage (thanks greatly to Michelle Lintel, who, believe it or not, is a martial artist and not a prostitute [that's why her kicks are so high!]). And several desperately pathetic villians. But hey, if you're stoned and looking to kill 84 minutes, this could be for you (there's even a sequel; oh shit! movie marathon!).

Final Verdict: "You've been warned..."

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